?

I want to write something, but I don’t know what about.

….

 

Exam-fever

These days I either spend my time studying for the exams, or worrying that i should be. As of tomorrow, I will have exactly one month until my first paper, and that knowledge is sending me into an even deeper pit of despair. This last summer term has been a strange one for me. I seem to have lost the drive and motivation that had kept me going for the earlier 2 terms. This, in spite of the little voice in my head having started nagging at me to get cracking and revise for the finals since the very start of term, which is now almost a good month ago. Somehow, I never really did get properly started. And now, with a month left, I am feeling more than a little panicked. It doesn’t help that people are more convinced of my (apparently) guaranteed success than I am. Part of me realizes that my first year is only worth 5%, but another part is berating me endlessly for letting what, up to now, has been a really good run, end up in mediocrity. I can only hope this last month will be enough for me to redeem myself. 

On a side note, I cut my hair yesterday (5 months worth of long, wavy, unmanageable growth), and am feeling a bout of self-consciousness. So if you see me, or at least someone who looks like me but with unexpected hair, just tell me that its an improvement, even if you don’t really think so. White lies are what will give me the (deluded) self-confidence I need to get through the days. 

 

2008

I wouldnt have thought it, but leaving home the second time was considerably harder than the first. When all is said and done, there is really only one place where I feel completely at home. My send-off was less overtly emotional this time, but underneath the outward appearance of composure, tenous at best, I could feel waves of emotion surging, searching for cracks in my defences.  I thought seeing my little sister cry the first time I left was saddening. Seeing her plaster on a false, brave smile and steel herself emotionally without a tear the second time was nothing short of heartbreaking. Thank you Skype.

Well, the year has gone off to a good start, I think. This year, I am motivated to not only contientiously keep abreast with lectures but to actively digest and interalise them. A lofty ambition, but attainable i hope. Imperial biology’s system of lectures and tutorials puzzles my sometimes. The tutorials sometimes dont seem to fit in directly with the scheme of the lectures. Case in point: lectures are currently covering Genetics, i.e. Mendelian and non-Mendelian ratios, gene mapping, fungal genetics etc. The tutorial essay that I have been set, however, involves a discussion on the advantages and disadvantages of GM crops. Granted, the essay deals with genetic engineering, but surely that is more biotechnolgy and agriculture than real genetics. And the question is more general than scientific. I would much rather spend my time researching and writing an essay on genetic concepts than a GP/Geography essay on GM crops, Blessing or Curse? Thats what happens when so many of the tutors are ecologists/entomologists/zoologists.

On a seperate note, I suspect the gene for kiasu-ness, if it exists, to be completely dominant and extensively integrated into the Singaporean gene pool. Two weeks into the second term and already there is a mad scramble to find housing for year 2. Even worse than the mad scramble to find a house is the frenzy to find housemates. Its like Survivor: London Zone 1, with people forming co-habitation alliances everywhere you turn. We’re a scary lot, us Singaporeans. Don’t worry, I havent been left behind in the dust. Well, not too far behind. Surprise, surprise, I am kiasu too. I dont want to be, but I feel compelled to be. I’m sure you know the feeling. Seriously, extensively integrated.

This year is also the gain weight and get fit year. What this involves is actually bothering to cook balanced meals, (and eating them, of course) and going to the gym regularly, on top of canoe polo three times a week. Good news is, I am finally going for my Gym orientation tommorrow. I’ve missed the last 2 scheduled because of an ecology field trip and, well, general poor planning really. Joshua tells me that in january the gym is packed with people with similar fitness goals. I hesitate to say resolutions. Such fragile things, resolutions. They get broken so easily.

 

:)

The letter is finally here!!!