These days I either spend my time studying for the exams, or worrying that i should be. As of tomorrow, I will have exactly one month until my first paper, and that knowledge is sending me into an even deeper pit of despair. This last summer term has been a strange one for me. I seem to have lost the drive and motivation that had kept me going for the earlier 2 terms. This, in spite of the little voice in my head having started nagging at me to get cracking and revise for the finals since the very start of term, which is now almost a good month ago. Somehow, I never really did get properly started. And now, with a month left, I am feeling more than a little panicked. It doesn’t help that people are more convinced of my (apparently) guaranteed success than I am. Part of me realizes that my first year is only worth 5%, but another part is berating me endlessly for letting what, up to now, has been a really good run, end up in mediocrity. I can only hope this last month will be enough for me to redeem myself.
On a side note, I cut my hair yesterday (5 months worth of long, wavy, unmanageable growth), and am feeling a bout of self-consciousness. So if you see me, or at least someone who looks like me but with unexpected hair, just tell me that its an improvement, even if you don’t really think so. White lies are what will give me the (deluded) self-confidence I need to get through the days.
